Yearning for a successful wedding or to at least not get kicked out of more than one wedding party, I started studying how to be a bride and the history of Western wedding traditions. That’s when I uncovered how wedding traditions were originally designed to pressure women into becoming mothers, to erase their individuality for the sake of family, to give men power over them, and to discriminate against anyone who wasn’t a white, cis heterosexual.

7 ways to mitigate the frivolity of planning a big-ass party when neo-Nazis are marching, the planet is melting, and POTUS is leading the Confederate States of America with “alternative facts.”

A few months before the wedding, I started receiving texts and emails from members of the wedding party, asking what I wanted to do for a bachelorette weekend. Since I had been using Pinterest to find wedding inspiration, I started searching there for ideas.  

After an initial search of "bachelorette party ideas," I quickly realized that Pinterest—or any other mainstream source—would not be the place for me to plan the feminist weekend with friends I had been dreaming about. 

For Woke Wednesday, we spoke with Cassie Rosch, a destination photographer based in Colorado, about her journey from small town USA to coming out as queer and traveling the world to photograph love.

You and your fiancé are ready for the big day: You've found the perfect pair of locally-sourced rings, your outfits are on point, and any sexist traditions have been snuffed. Now, what about the dance playlist? No need to sift through your Spotify in vain—your song choices can be both feminist and rockin'. 

I was definitely sipping the Kool-Aid growing up, thinking somehow I was an exception to the rule. That changed a few years ago after a horrible experience with some police officers. It was the October before the Mike Brown shooting. I thought a middle class upbringing, pearls, and dresses were going to save me. But I learned that to some people, all I ever will be is black and a problem. I hated it. I hated the microaggressions I denied were problems. It was really an unlearning of a bunch of different things. It was being honest about how I felt as a black woman in a world that hates black women. It grew into advocating for everyone else who gets sidelined into the margins. I learned to listen and I learned to speak up and out.

If you find yourself questioning something that feels inappropriate or abusive, then it probably is. Do not "use" an interracial couple in a shoot just to make your portfolio more diverse so you can start seeming more inclusive to the industry. Start first with yourself. Take a step back, and look at the inner circle of people you see every month. Who are they? What do you all talk about? Are you discussing issues related to populations you have no experience with? Do you participate in tokenizing? Overall, if you share these values and want to start out in the industry, double and then triple-check yourself and your own life. Because if you're still participating in social practices that are damaging or harmful toward marginalized groups in this country, whether it be consciously or subconsciously, then frankly you haven't done the work.

Modern Rebel & Co. is an alternative event planning company that gives back to local New York City non-profits. We interviewed the owner, Amy, about how to celebrate friendships at your wedding without making your friends begin to slowly resent you.

Then they enacted wedding ceremonies from three different eras — the 1700s, the 1950s, and the present — with costume changes for each. At the end of each ceremony, a certificate was handed to Levana that said: “You are now a full woman,” with an asterisk — the asterisk was “pending children.”

If she had chosen someone black, someone wealthier than her, someone, or anyone, else, there would still be commentary about it. There would still be outrage. The longer I've worked in this world, the more I realize that the wedding industry has little to do with weddings and everything to do with a public pronouncement of a woman's worth. Most wedding media enforces it; the whitest, slimmest, blondest, most feminine women deserve the gigantic rings, the most lavish productions, and most deserving partners (usually your run-of-the-mill dude-bro). That's who graces the covers and the ads that drive what I consider unnecessary hype.

Amy of Modern Rebel & Co. is an alternative event planning company that gives back to local New York City non-profits that serve survivors of domestic violence, provide homes for the homeless, prevent suicide, and bridge education and art. She recently planned an immersive theater experience in a cemetery. She also happens to be a delightful person, and her website is the bomb.com. 

We’re about to introduce you to one of our favorite people we’ve met this year. If you are a Midwestern couple planning a wedding for 2017, we envy you. Quick! Hire Emily Alt of Watassa Wedding Photography before she’s booked up!

Emma Bedor and Catalyst Editor Liz Susong Debate the Concept of the Feminist Wedding

When I got engaged I expected to learn a lot of things, but learning to say no wasn’t one of them. But now I have a lot of people and businesses offering to do things for me. And I have a lot of people telling Fiancé and I what our wedding should and should not be like and how things are done and why we shouldn’t do them differently.