Aidy Bryant, comedian of SNL fame and all around badass, recently got married in a beautiful ceremony in NYC. The pictures were gorgeous because duh, love, but something else made it beautiful — she loved herself as she was. That shouldn’t be a radical statement but it is. Allow me to explain.
Women are continuously conditioned with three ideas — 1. Their value is in their looks 2. Their relevance is their relationship to a man, and 3. To attain that relationship, she must attain a certain “look.”
The most radical journey a woman can take is unlearning these rules.
Your value is in who you are, your relevance is in your relationship to yourself, and the greatest love is when you fully embrace who you are.
There’s nothing you have to do to earn your wedding.
So we’re perfectly clear, your body doesn’t have to change to be a beautiful bride. I’ve talked about it before but there’s an unspoken culture of worthiness surrounding the modern wedding. The size of the ring, the budget, the decor — suddenly all of it is a reflection of a woman’s worthiness. If it’s not glamorous enough, extravagant enough, or sophisticated enough then it implies that neither is she.
We don’t have to wait for a result like losing weight to achieve happiness.
But there’s a movement for more substance and intentionality in weddings. Couples want more personalization and narrative. A part of this has been because of couples embracing themselves as they are, not as people want them to be. Again, this shouldn’t be radical but it is. Seeing women that don’t fit the traditional narrative the wedding industry has produced is radical. Not losing weight to fit into a dress is radical. It directly contradicts those three rules we’ve learned since birth. We don’t have to wait for a result like losing weight, getting the perfect job, or even finding the perfect person to achieve happiness. It’s available to us at any size, in any state, and any place.
Whenever I see a post on Instagram of a plus-size bride the comments are usually about as genteel as you expect. From faux concern to full on bullying, it’s hard to find the encouragement. Instead of celebrating that someone’s found love, we critique without wondering the effect it has on people watching. As Lindy West wrote about her wedding: “I wanted to be the role model I never had as a fat teenager — a fat, happy, unselfconscious, beautiful bride. I wrote about my wedding for the Guardian, and it went viral, just as I’d hoped. I hope every fat girl in the world reads this. You are allowed to be you, even at your wedding. Especially at your wedding.”
Jordan A. Maney is an Assistant Editor at Catalyst Wedding Co. and is a San Antonio-based wedding planner. She she started her company as a planning haven for all the couples the industry chooses to ignore. Instead of just making a brand, she's building a community. Find more of her sass, humor, and Southern hospitality at allthedaysweddings.com.