You were the hot one, and now he’s the hot one. Peter committed the ultimate betrayal when he decided to put his health and happiness over your personal insecurities, and you need to stop excusing him for this.

Once upon a time, women were considered no more than chattel. We had no property rights, and it was widely believed that our brains were shaped like high-heel glass slippers. If divorce or death ended a marriage, women were usually forced to make do with a shack deep in the forest, twelve cats, and several coffee-table books on witchcraft. Prenuptial agreements were introduced specifically to avoid this outcome.

Some crazy, unhinged gentleman has asked for your hand in marriage. Your mother is beside herself with shock, and your father can't stop congratulating you. The guy you dated for two months in college is shaking his head in disbelief. Your best frenemy is crying tears she promises come from a happy place. This is not a time for grapes and fatfree yogurt. It is a time for whipping up an alcoholic milkshake, raising your glass to the sky, and enjoying wild sex with a man who worships your body as it is.