The average size of an American woman is 16. That’s plus size. Why is it so hard to find ourselves represented in images for what’s supposed to be the happiest day of our lives?

It’s not a relationship death sentence, and yet so many react as if I’ve given them one when I suggest it. Premarital counseling. Somehow we’ve associated that with being sent to the principal’s office or having our parents say they’re “disappointed" in us. We treat it like it means there's a problem, but premarital counseling isn’t a sign of problems, it’s the solution to them.

Whether the ring is 20 carats or $25, if you’re not the one rocking it, keep your two cents to yourself.

From Facebook groups for creatives, to one-on-ones and networking events, I’ve heard again and again, “I really want to break into ‘that‘ market.” Or my personal favorite, “Well how do I find ‘them’?”

Y’ALL. Honey. Baby. Sweet Lord.

I promise I will try not to be condescending, but it’s a little obtuse, don’t you think? If you’re a photographer that wants to do more black weddings, do a shoot with black people in it. I promise y’all it’s that easy. Do you know why? People just want to see themselves represented. People want to see themselves.

I’m not going to lie, I love conferences. The networking, the speakers, the development, and an awesome trip? Count me in! But the more I started to research conferences for the next year, the more frustrated I grew. Why the hell did everyone look alike?! ’m fascinated by influencer conferences that can’t seem to find black, brown, queer, differently-abled, or female voices for panels. I’m even more fascinated how if you’re any combination of these identities, it’s even harder to find representation at major events.

I often felt like I wasn’t fighting hard enough. I wasn’t doing enough to combat the trauma and distress of racism and institutionalized hate. I felt like I was hiding. But then I sat down and looked at the work that I do. It’s beyond the details. The core of the work is facilitating joy. As I heard David Tutera describe it, the burden of wedding professionals is to create a “bubble” moment that envelopes everyone and allows them to escape.

To make it even worse, the large majority of men who’ve hit on me at weddings are married. Physical safety aside, there is an emotional cost to working so hard to plan a celebration of marriage and then witness someone else shit all over theirs. What is it about weddings that emboldens guests to act like they aren’t married? Is it the desire to feel in control? Or to assert power over a woman? Especially a woman of color?  Is it simply because they’re A-holes?