I am not a mental health practitioner in the slightest, but as someone who suffers from anxiety, ADHD, and owns a wedding planning firm, I can speak uniquely to how to handle the two. Here are my tips to manage your mental health while you’re wedding planning.

I’d like to add a new middle tier between Bridezillas and Bridechillas. I call them “Anxillas.”

It’s not a relationship death sentence, and yet so many react as if I’ve given them one when I suggest it. Premarital counseling. Somehow we’ve associated that with being sent to the principal’s office or having our parents say they’re “disappointed" in us. We treat it like it means there's a problem, but premarital counseling isn’t a sign of problems, it’s the solution to them.

Andy and Karen have been through the ringer in love. They thought they both had something but both ended in divorce. What Andy thought was love was simply going through the motions. What Karen thought was love was a different kind of love. These were both hard times, yet they have healed and learned and have become stronger.

And through this, they have discovered new depths. New uncharted continents. Andy has learned to love and take care of himself. Karen has discovered new power in herself and loves Nick as a friend and co-parent. I think you both have discovered love in its fullness and depth. A greater depth and rooting....A love that won’t dissolve and fall once the season changes. Your roots are entwined and you are one tree, not two.

I was definitely sipping the Kool-Aid growing up, thinking somehow I was an exception to the rule. That changed a few years ago after a horrible experience with some police officers. It was the October before the Mike Brown shooting. I thought a middle class upbringing, pearls, and dresses were going to save me. But I learned that to some people, all I ever will be is black and a problem. I hated it. I hated the microaggressions I denied were problems. It was really an unlearning of a bunch of different things. It was being honest about how I felt as a black woman in a world that hates black women. It grew into advocating for everyone else who gets sidelined into the margins. I learned to listen and I learned to speak up and out.