There is a Zen teaching that goes “when you have only a little time, meditate for 10 minutes. And if you have no time at all, then meditate for 20.” This teaching acknowledges that a sense of not having enough time is not an objective law, but rather a subjective experience, one that we can change.

Planning and preparing for a wedding can be stressful. Start the process of alleviating your stress by identifying the sources.  There are two types of stress: eustress, which is positive and can be motivating, and distress, a negative source of anxiety. What is unnecessary and can be left behind, eradicated, or revamped? Create a to-do list, and delegate tasks to people that you trust, like your wedding party or coordinator who will help to disperse the load. Surround yourself with a positive support team that can help you to stay clear of unnecessary tension. Then begin implementing a daily routine like meditation and breathing techniques with a cup of herbal tea to start your day. This can create a moment for yourself and set the tone that will help you to feel grounded and ready to tackle what’s left on your to-do list.

The practice of accepting ourselves exactly where we are creates a more grounded and joyful wedding day, but it is also a foundational principle of mindfulness. (Or, if it jives better with you: it’s my party and I’ll feel weird if I want to). Sounds nice, right? But why can it be so hard to be exactly where we are, especially in extraordinary circumstances and on special days?

In celebration of this great moment, and to help you craft a ceremony that embodies your own highest aspirations, here are nine new game-changing vows for modern couples. 

Most weddings include hundreds of hours of planning — from choosing the invitations to the last hours of celebrating and dancing. On the day of the wedding you need to remember the most important thing: You are marrying the love of your life. Shifting from doing, planning, working to being, experiencing, enjoying can alter the day for you and your guests dramatically. 

I woke up the morning of my wedding exhausted, stressed, and haggard. My mom was frantic about the forecasted rain that day, and I hadn’t slept a wink. A few hours later I hunched in the salon chair letting the stylist do most of the work to keep my head propped up and debating whether a cup of coffee would jumpstart the best day of my life or unleash the full-blown, barely-concealed crazy. Then I had a near meltdown when I couldn’t find my lipstick, and I coped by throwing back mimosas on an empty stomach as my friends worriedly stood by. While I felt calm, collected, and present during the ceremony, the full day of preparations was just not that great. But that time is precious, and as everyone will tell you, it flies by. Part of mindfulness is simply noticing; being present makes a moment that you would otherwise skip past expand like a balloon.