With a little bit of research, a chat with your officiant, and with our advice, you should feel confident in your wedding vows before it comes time to exchange them in public.

Christopher Shelley has a new book out: Best. Ceremony. Ever.

He wrote this book for the friends of the couples that ask him to officiate their ceremonies. I read it expecting it to be straight forward and factual. In reality, I was laughing out loud as I went through (awkward, because I was on a flight!) and couldn’t wait to get back to New York to call him.

This is our interview.

Most couples wait until the last minute to write their vows. And it’s no wonder. It seems so freaking daunting! Where to start?!

I’m here to tell you that it’s actually simpler than you think.

Given that marriage is now defined more by personal desire rather than economic necessity, do we need to keep marriage a forever thing? Wouldn’t it make more sense to have renewable marriages of varyng lengths based on your needs — say two to five years if you want to experience married life before deciding to have children or not (because living together is not the same as marriage in the eyes of the law and even your friends and family), or 18 years if you’ve made that leap and wish to raise them to adulthood?

Today, three in four couples in the U.S. decide to get married outside of a religious institution. Couples report making the choice to write their own ceremony because they do not share a common faith tradition, have experienced bias or trauma through organized religion, or simply envision gathering in a place that feels more meaningful to their story than a house of worship.

Marriage is changing (can I get a hallelujah?), and these days, getting married can be an act of social justice.  

A wedding is a symbol, after all, and like the marriage it’s ushering in, a wedding is full of potential and increasingly devoid of rules. In this way, its meaning deepens.  

One of the most powerful ways we can create meaningful shifts around marriage is by how we honor ourselves and each other through our wedding ceremonies and vows. Rewriting any social narrative means working in big blank spaces, and while that can be super liberating, it can also be super disorienting. Ultimately, though, like every creative pursuit, it’s an empowering act of self-discovery that benefits us all.  

Modern Rebel & Co. is an alternative event planning company that gives back to local New York City non-profits. We interviewed the owner, Amy, about how to celebrate friendships at your wedding without making your friends begin to slowly resent you.

In celebration of this great moment, and to help you craft a ceremony that embodies your own highest aspirations, here are nine new game-changing vows for modern couples.