Every couple wants an engagement ring that perfectly reflects the union of their two personalities. But when my now-husband, Bill, decided to propose, he had something more to consider: my sensitive skin doesn’t let me wear metal.

What’s a groom to do? He found a solution both beautiful and possible in a ring made entirely of wood by David Finch. Finch produces handmade rings at Touch Wood, the company he and his wife, Nicola, run from their off-the-grid farm in western Canada. 

I think part of the reason I struggle with having a wedding is that I am new to it. I have identified as a queer, white woman for years. I have had years to grapple with heteropatriarchal systems and my position as a financially privileged white person, even before I had a critical vocabulary to discuss them. But I am only newly a bride-to-be and only newly have to confront the related assumptions that are made about me.

Wedding photographer Chelo Keys snapped a photo three years ago of Alicia Caldwell breastfeeding her infant daughter on her wedding day. When Chelo shared the photo on social media, she met resistance from “people who felt that breastfeeding should be a private moment or didn't feel it met the definition of a bridal portrait.”  While she disagreed with those opinions, she didn’t want to “subject Alicia to unnecessary hate,” so she took the photo down, and it has remained dormant for the last three years.

In most of the wedding planning world, "styling" your day means deciding what you want everything to look like and then buying all the stuff you'll need to make it look like that...

It's all fun and games at first, but eventually the whole decor choosing process can start to feel a bit out of control.

For the majority of my adult life, I have lived with roommates with the exception of the year before Adam and I got married and the year after.We made the mistake of renting an apartment that was too expensive for our budget in central Washington, D.C., which promptly entered us into the “yopro” rat race of working to make rent. We say now that we are grateful for that expensive lesson: for us, a simpler life is a happier life.

It is an honor to have the responsibility of documenting a day that is the result of hard work, sweat, and often tears of wonderful people. I love all aspects of my photography business. It’s nice when I can step away from editing and respond to inquiries; even the financial side isn’t a bother. But since I’m actually quite horrible at balancing work and life, I’ve decided it’s time for a break. 

Our minds clearly process information in wildly different ways, and while this is true for all couples to some degree, our obvious disparity carries the distinct benefit of preventing romantic relationship pitfall #11: believing that true love creates magical mind-reading powers.

Pinterest, Facebook, & Blogs. We live a world where visual inspiration abounds. For a first-time bride with very little experience in the wedding planning world, I started my year-and-a-half long engagement thankful for all of the “wedding-inspo” on the Internet. But my gratitude for pretty pictures quickly turned into a much darker force as the pre-wedding months wore on.

I woke up the morning of my wedding exhausted, stressed, and haggard. My mom was frantic about the forecasted rain that day, and I hadn’t slept a wink. A few hours later I hunched in the salon chair letting the stylist do most of the work to keep my head propped up and debating whether a cup of coffee would jumpstart the best day of my life or unleash the full-blown, barely-concealed crazy. Then I had a near meltdown when I couldn’t find my lipstick, and I coped by throwing back mimosas on an empty stomach as my friends worriedly stood by. While I felt calm, collected, and present during the ceremony, the full day of preparations was just not that great. But that time is precious, and as everyone will tell you, it flies by. Part of mindfulness is simply noticing; being present makes a moment that you would otherwise skip past expand like a balloon.

This may come as a shocker, but you don’t need tattoos, pink hair, or even a major attitude in order to be a rebellious bride. Of course, all of the above helps. A world with more pink coiffures would be lovely, wouldn’t it? 

I had a bit of a revelation the other day. A hosting revelation. An event epiphany, so to speak. I’ve been fairly vocal on my blog about trying to ease the pressure to be crafty, keeping things simple when it comes to party and wedding decor and DIY projects, and even shared my own personal holiday and party decor to show that it can be easy and uncomplicated. However, I wasn’t sure where this desire to calm people the eff down about decor came from. Why was I so anti-decor and making tables and centerpieces and events look nice? I realized the other day that it’s about the motivation. It’s about staying true to WHY you want your table to look beautiful.

2014 was the year I married Allen, my favorite person in the world. In front of family and friends, I promised to love him with reckless abandon. I pledged to live the most soul affirming life with him. Quoting the effervescent RuPaul’s sacred words—“if you can’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love someone else,”—I vowed that we always love ourselves enough to be great people as individuals who have the capacity for mercy, grace, and dignity; and through that self-love (not to be confused with selfish love), may we always show merciful, graceful, and dignified love to each other. With an open heart and an affection for the fictional Parks and Recreation couple Leslie Knope and Ben Wyatt, we repeated: “I love you and I like you.”

Some crazy, unhinged gentleman has asked for your hand in marriage. Your mother is beside herself with shock, and your father can't stop congratulating you. The guy you dated for two months in college is shaking his head in disbelief. Your best frenemy is crying tears she promises come from a happy place. This is not a time for grapes and fatfree yogurt. It is a time for whipping up an alcoholic milkshake, raising your glass to the sky, and enjoying wild sex with a man who worships your body as it is.

My husband and I spent half of the last year apart. We were not forced into a distance relationship by factors outside of our control, but rather, like many Millennials with our privileged upbringings, lifestyle options seemed endless despite limited career realities, and our jobs and interests led us in different directions. Adam’s employer decided to transfer him from Washington, D.C. to Houston, Texas right before Volume One of Catalyst Wedding Magazine went to print and just as I began to feel rooted in a community of District creatives. We had been married a little over a year when I tentatively told him that in my heart of hearts, I was not ready to leave and proposed that he move to Texas alone. Always my biggest believer, he barely winced and got to helping me find a room to rent on Craigslist. Ever the realist, the day he left for Texas he gave a little spiel about what administrative things I should take care of if he were to die before we were reunited, and I verbally willed him eleven boxes of wedding magazines through teary eyes.    

When you’re young and learning about love, people give you a lot of advice. One of these most commonly-repeated tidbits from the wise is that you must love yourself before you can truly love another.

I agree. There is a sacred, intimate relationship that exists within yourself, for which you must care for and carefully prune.

However, I simply cannot love myself before my fiancé.

I didn’t think it was a good idea. Telling guests—moms especially—surprise news at a wedding rarely is. My good friend Claire and her fiancé Mike had secretly gotten married in New Orleans with their darling baby Liora Rose in tow. Almost a year later, Claire hadn’t told anyone until now, not even moi. And the only reason Claire spilled the beans was that she wanted me to “officiate” at their wedding. Sort of.

Congratulations! You, my darling reader, are getting married, and that is a truly wonderful thing. You have cultivated a relationship based upon mutual respect, and you trust your fiancé with your heart and your future. You love your fiancé and can’t wait to build a life together. You know life will bring you both joy and hardship, but you are choosing to share all the best and the worst of it with your other. And finally, you are eager to memorialize this commitment before family and friends on your wedding day.

Back in 2010 when I planned my wedding, most of the things I wanted (bridesmaids in any black dress, no assigned seating at the reception, groomsmen in chucks, and a short wedding dress with *gasp* no veil) seemed pretty nontraditional. Wedding blogs were just getting started and Pinterest wasn’t even a glimmer in the internet’s eye. So I clung to my Microsoft Word collage of images and ideas every time I had to brave the storm of trying to explain to my mostly traditional parents why I wanted these things in our wedding. 

You'll hardly ever find the Catalyst team in one place.  I can think of maybe three times when our Editor, Photographer, and Creative Director sat around one table, eating Indian food, and wildly brainstorming on an oversized piece of craft paper.

In just the past few months, Carly, our Photographer, has traveled to Sweden, Italy, Seattle, and New York for weddings, while our Creative Director, Jen, has spent the last three months hunkering down in Hong Kong, and Editor, Liz, has relocated from Washington, DC to Houston, Texas.

At a coffee bar off Washington Square Park, the stranger seated next to me noticed my gift bag. “Going to a baby shower?” he asked. “No, I’m a wedding planner, actually. Headed to a rehearsal soon.” “Oh, god. That sounds intense. Does that gig make you never want to get married?” I paused, unable to give him a straight answer. The truth: the answer was far too complicated to get into over an iced tea. I’d need at least a shot (maybe several) of espresso.