My Feminist Wedding // Long Distance Engagement

Next summer, I will marry a man who has never lived in the same state as me. My fiancé, Greg, and I met on Tinder two years ago, and since then, we’ve taken turns to visit each other every weekend at my home in Natick, Massachusetts, and his in Manchester, Connecticut. 

Even getting married won’t guarantee that we can live together, as school and work tie us to our respective states for the foreseeable future. While there are times when this arrangement is difficult (mostly when I’m sitting on the Mass Pike in traffic), it has strengthened our relationship by making us truly appreciate our time together. Besides, you don’t pass up the love of your life because he’s geographically undesirable.

I work full-time and am going to grad school, so I’m not often home during the week. But when I am, it’s just me. There’s no one to cook dinner with, no one to watch TV with, and no one else to take care of the laundry. So when Greg and I get together on the weekends, these little things—meals, TV, chores—become the big things we look forward to. 

When it’s Friday night, and I’m exhausted from a long week of work and a two-hour car ride to Connecticut, Greg and I are happiest when we’re curled up on the couch watching TV. 

You don’t pass up the love of your life because he’s geographically undesirable.

I look over at him, and he catches me looking. 

“What?” he asks.

“This is one of my favorite things, just you and me watching TV together.”

He smiles. “I know. Me too.”

A typical weekend finds one of us driving to the other after work on Friday and leaving on Sunday to be back home for work on Monday. We’re lucky if we get a full 48 hours together each weekend. Spending a Sunday night together feels like we’ve won the lottery. 

We don’t take our time or each other for granted. We don’t stress about making grand plans for each weekend, either. The most important thing for us is simply being together. 

“You ready? Let’s do this!” I grunt in my best tough-guy impression.

Greg laughs and rolls his eyes, “We’re going grocery shopping.”

I laugh with him and head straight for the bananas while Greg heads for the rolls. Less than twenty minutes later, we’re done and couldn’t be happier.

For couples that live together, the little things soon become trivial, but those are the things that show how strong your relationship really is. Can you have fun doing chores and running errands? Can you find pleasure in the simple aspects of your relationship? If so, you’re on the right track.

Even though we’re not sure exactly when it will happen, Greg and I are ridiculously excited to finally be able to live together one day. We know it will be an adjustment, but it’s one we’re more than ready for. We’re both busy individuals, so there’s no concern that we’ll get tired of living together, and while the novelty of only seeing each other once per week may wear off, it will be replaced by the sheer joy of being able to see each other every day.

For now, Greg and I live for every weekend when we get to be together, and I love our Friday morning text messages:

“Guess what?” he’ll ask. 

“What?” I answer. 

“I get to see you today!”

My response: “I can’t wait.”

Alexa D’Agostino is a native Bostonian currently earning her M.A. in writing and publishing from Emerson College while working full time in higher education and trying to plan her wedding! Follow her @lexied09