Enough with the Penis Straws at Bachelorette Parties

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Enough with the Penis Straws at Bachelorette Parties

A few months before the wedding, I started receiving texts and emails from members of the wedding party, asking what I wanted to do for a bachelorette weekend. Since I had been using Pinterest to find wedding inspiration, I started searching there for ideas.  

After an initial search of "bachelorette party ideas," I quickly realized that Pinterest—or any other mainstream source—would not be the place for me to plan the feminist weekend with friends I had been dreaming about. 

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Queer + Christian // How A Christian-First Identity Causes Further Oppression

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Queer + Christian // How A Christian-First Identity Causes Further Oppression

When I enter church, I don’t get to take off my womanness or my blackness or my queerness and just enter as Christian. I enter as all of me, which includes the parts of my identity that our society privileges and the parts of my identity that our society oppresses. Shout out to Mother Lorde who preached to us all that, There is no thing as a single-issue struggle, because we do not live single-issue lives.

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6 Ways to Approach the Challenges of Being the Non-Biological Parent in A Two-Mom Family

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6 Ways to Approach the Challenges of Being the Non-Biological Parent in A Two-Mom Family

I am typing this while our little dude naps in my arms. I know, I know, there are probably a dozen reasons why that will cause detrimental habits with his sleeping or may cause him not to go to college. But, for now, I am not worried about that. I just picked him up from daycare, and those cheeks burrowed on my chest are exactly what the end of the day calls for. One thing I have learned in eight months as a new parent is that there is an abundance of information, personal opinions, and stories about how things used to be in terms of raising a child that inundate us (and feed our anxiety) every day. However, with the abundance of information available about parenthood, there is a major gap in information and resources available for same-sex parents. I have thought about writing up a bit about our experience and chickened out a few times, but I struggled a lot with becoming a mom (by way of my wife), and I am hoping to give voice to the growing complexity and great diversity in what constitutes a family.

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On LGBTQ Acceptance in the African American Community

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On LGBTQ Acceptance in the African American Community

As I was driving home, my head swirled with thoughts of "the Truth" and how "Christians" can sometimes be the least likely to draw people to Christ. I began to ponder why is it that the African American community (most of it) has not embraced and affirmed LGBTQ individuals? Truth be told, there are those family members that we always knew preferred the same sex, but it was never discussed. Not only was it not discussed, they just never seemed to bring anyone to the family dinners or get-togethers.

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Tulle & Fury // The Joy of the Oppressed is Political

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Tulle & Fury // The Joy of the Oppressed is Political

I often felt like I wasn’t fighting hard enough. I wasn’t doing enough to combat the trauma and distress of racism and institutionalized hate. I felt like I was hiding. But then I sat down and looked at the work that I do. It’s beyond the details. The core of the work is facilitating joy. As I heard David Tutera describe it, the burden of wedding professionals is to create a “bubble” moment that envelopes everyone and allows them to escape.

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Divorced at 23

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Divorced at 23

I was so desperate to believe I had found this person that I began to excuse the red flags erecting themselves faster than I could ever imagine. His disdain for my parents (and my parents’ disdain for him) was simply birthed from situational misunderstandings. His lack of motivation in education and work was an intentional (and brilliant) slap in the face of “the man.” His unwanted advances and coercing were a testimony of his attraction and devotion to me. Everything that soured my gut was immediately soothed the moment he kissed my forehead or proclaimed his endless love for my being. And I bought it.

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My Feminist Wedding // Long Distance Engagement

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My Feminist Wedding // Long Distance Engagement

Next summer, I will marry a man who has never lived in the same state as me. My fiancé, Greg, and I met on Tinder two years ago, and since then, we’ve taken turns to visit each other every weekend at my home in Natick, Massachusetts, and his in Manchester, Connecticut. 

Even getting married won’t guarantee that we can live together, as school and work tie us to our respective states for the foreseeable future. While there are times when this arrangement is difficult (mostly when I’m sitting on the Mass Pike in traffic), it has strengthened our relationship by making us truly appreciate our time together. Besides, you don’t pass up the love of your life because he’s geographically undesirable.

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Black BeauTEA Talk // When Diversity is Cool, Black Women Are Still Ignored, Tokenized, and Used

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Black BeauTEA Talk // When Diversity is Cool, Black Women Are Still Ignored, Tokenized, and Used

Diversity and representation are important, but before you send out that model call, stop and ask yourself these questions.

1. Why is diversity important to black women?

2. What do I do regularly to help fight against the white supremacist world we live in?

3. What will this black woman gain from doing my photo shoot?

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Tulle & Fury // People Are Politics

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Tulle & Fury // People Are Politics

Why does a wedding planner want to talk about politics and identity? As a Texas-based business owner, you can imagine how often I get asked that question. But the answer is always the same: because politics and identity affect everything I do: my choice of hairstyle, who I work with, the very fact that I’m a black-owned business that loves working with same-sex couples in a state that makes its position on that very well-known. I could go on. But ultimately, do you know why? Because people are politics.

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Autostraddle Stories // Digging Up the Truth Through Fiction Writing in Trump's America

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Autostraddle Stories // Digging Up the Truth Through Fiction Writing in Trump's America

Fiction is about truth, in a deeper sense. And in the political times we’ve brought ourselves into, in this age of Trump and fake news and alternative facts, we are in dire need of the truth. Now, it could be said that “alternative facts” and fiction are technically synonymous — both are factually inaccurate or completely invented versions of events. But the important distinction is in the intention. The intention of spreading alternative facts is to obscure the truth. The intention of writing fiction is to reveal it. Fiction is about radical honesty.

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The Bridechilla Podcast // Catalyst Wedding Magazine

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The Bridechilla Podcast // Catalyst Wedding Magazine

The Bridechilla Podcast is hosted by comedian, author, and your virtual bridesmaid, Aleisha McCormack. Each week, Aleisha shares her tell-it-like-it-is view and unique take on wedding wisdom to help Bridechillas and Groomchillas ditch the pressures and obligations that we sometimes feel during the journey and have fun planning this awesome day. Interviewing the leading wedding bloggers, planners, and experts, The Bridechilla Podcast is all about empowering couples to plan the wedding that they want.

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Modern Rebel // Celebrating Friendship at Your Wedding Without the Bridesmaid Nonsense

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Modern Rebel // Celebrating Friendship at Your Wedding Without the Bridesmaid Nonsense

Modern Rebel & Co. is an alternative event planning company that gives back to local New York City non-profits. We interviewed the owner, Amy, about how to celebrate friendships at your wedding without making your friends begin to slowly resent you.

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Autostraddle Stories // Coming Out and Coming Up Short

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Autostraddle Stories // Coming Out and Coming Up Short

When I was 14, I stayed up late watching chick flicks, crying, and desperately hoping I could have a love that would set me free. Yes, I know, this is an unfortunately stereotypical story of a pubescent teenage girl pining for a relationship. I believed the best way to achieve happiness was through a happy monogamous relationship. Unfortunately, I had no idea (and still don’t know) what that looked like. After much trial and error, I later discovered being in a relationship and feeling free, without a healthy foundation, isn’t that simple.

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Single, Straight Guys Daydream About Weddings, Too

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Single, Straight Guys Daydream About Weddings, Too

Yep. It is true. I am a single straight guy, and I do in fact dream about my wedding. It is something that I honestly cannot deny, and to that end, I do not feel the need to.In my estimation, weddings are a celebration of experiences, the excitement of future moments shared, and the opportunity to express these recognitions with loved ones that will hopefully continue to have an impression in my partner's and my life. What more could I ask for?

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Inside the Fitting Room // Body Neutrality

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Inside the Fitting Room // Body Neutrality

In order for bridal boutiques to provide an inclusive and authentic experience, body neutrality needs to be the standard both online and in their daily interactions with customers. Unlike body-love, a state of complete body confidence, “body neutrality” instead emphasizes acceptance over loving one’s body. In other words, it’s the chill pill of the self-image revolution.

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My Feminist Wedding // Making Our Own Wedding Rings

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My Feminist Wedding // Making Our Own Wedding Rings

Searching for wedding rings can be exhausting. There are seemingly millions of options — and you don’t want to choose something flippantly because it is something you plan to wear for the rest of your life. It should be special. It should mean something. You should love your ring, right? After all, the wedding ring symbolizes your never-ending, unbroken devotion to your chosen life partner. It’s a big deal.

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My Feminist Wedding // Digging into Family History of Cultural Oppression

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My Feminist Wedding // Digging into Family History of Cultural Oppression

My grandparents were part of the buffer class unintentionally established by the Dutch over their three hundred and fifty years of colonialism in Indonesia. My very Asian-looking grandmother has the beautiful European name of Gladys, and her dark husband is named Renee. Throughout the years, a few stories and asides have been mentioned in passing by both of my grandparents, and a documentation of their experiences as teenagers in Indonesia was in process. Piecing together these stories results in a remarkable history of my family and culture.

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Asking for Permission to Marry

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Asking for Permission to Marry

Once upon a time, a gentleman caller asked my grandpa for my aunt's hand in marriage. Grandpa asked him what he thought about my aunt working after marriage, and the dude said he hadn't thought of it. My grandpa kindly redirected the frat boy to suggest that he might want to talk to my aunt more before he proposed to her.

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One Ceremony, Centuries of Patriarchy

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One Ceremony, Centuries of Patriarchy

Then they enacted wedding ceremonies from three different eras — the 1700s, the 1950s, and the present — with costume changes for each. At the end of each ceremony, a certificate was handed to Levana that said: “You are now a full woman,” with an asterisk — the asterisk was “pending children.”

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What It's Like to Combine Households Later In Life

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What It's Like to Combine Households Later In Life

Prior to marriage, I’d lived alone for twenty years with no housemates other than felines; Steve had been bach’ing it with two boys for nine. Marrying at midlife comes with a lot of challenges: negotiating shifting family roles, re-learning how to share a bathroom, ensuring the bride’s cats don’t blind the groom’s dog in a territorial rage. But I’m not sure anything could have prepared us for the sheer amount of stuff.

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