I am not a mental health practitioner in the slightest, but as someone who suffers from anxiety, ADHD, and owns a wedding planning firm, I can speak uniquely to how to handle the two. Here are my tips to manage your mental health while you’re wedding planning.Read More
While I want all of us to remember the origins of this historically toxic holiday, I’m also going to acknowledge that a lot of people need this day. And if you need this holiday, I want you to give yourself permission to enjoy it.Read More
But something happened in the months and years that have followed since my wedding that forced me to change my entire worldview around marriage and partnership — I found I could be happily married and still be very much depressed.Read More
It’s not a relationship death sentence, and yet so many react as if I’ve given them one when I suggest it. Premarital counseling. Somehow we’ve associated that with being sent to the principal’s office or having our parents say they’re “disappointed" in us. We treat it like it means there's a problem, but premarital counseling isn’t a sign of problems, it’s the solution to them.Read More
As a psychotherapist, this is one of the busiest times of year. Why? Because “The Holidays” bring up so many unrealistic expectations for many of us. We get depressed because we compare ourselves, our gifts and our families with what we think other people experience. We all imagine everyone else is having a lot more fun than we are.
But honestly, we have no idea how happy or miserable anyone else is behind their façade. If you could sit in my chair and hear how unhappy most people are at this time of year, you’d stop envying them.Read More
Three months ago I started to feel depressed; you know the kind of slow dread that works its ways into your bones? That was me. I finally recognized the culprits, so I stopped checking the headlines first thing in the morning, I took Facebook and other social media apps off of my phone, and something spectacular happened because of it. I felt better. I liked getting up in the morning. I didn’t feel the creeping anxiety of wondering who else was going to lose rights, livelihoods, or lives that day. Ignorance was freaking bliss. The world didn’t stop. Shitty things kept happening, but I stopped finding out about them.Read More
Andy and Karen have been through the ringer in love. They thought they both had something but both ended in divorce. What Andy thought was love was simply going through the motions. What Karen thought was love was a different kind of love. These were both hard times, yet they have healed and learned and have become stronger.
And through this, they have discovered new depths. New uncharted continents. Andy has learned to love and take care of himself. Karen has discovered new power in herself and loves Nick as a friend and co-parent. I think you both have discovered love in its fullness and depth. A greater depth and rooting....A love that won’t dissolve and fall once the season changes. Your roots are entwined and you are one tree, not two.Read More
When I was 16 I explained to my partner how emotions feel to me. Physical, like warm sun on cold skin or kissing someone for the first time and smiling the whole way through. Overwhelming, like drowning in a shallow pool and forgetting how to walk, let alone swim. Beautiful, like seeing the ocean for the first time and knowing you’ll never forget the look of the sunset against the waves. Being bipolar means falling in love with everything and, just as easily, resenting it. Falling out of love.Read More
I was definitely sipping the Kool-Aid growing up, thinking somehow I was an exception to the rule. That changed a few years ago after a horrible experience with some police officers. It was the October before the Mike Brown shooting. I thought a middle class upbringing, pearls, and dresses were going to save me. But I learned that to some people, all I ever will be is black and a problem. I hated it. I hated the microaggressions I denied were problems. It was really an unlearning of a bunch of different things. It was being honest about how I felt as a black woman in a world that hates black women. It grew into advocating for everyone else who gets sidelined into the margins. I learned to listen and I learned to speak up and out.Read More
Just over a year ago, I finished a senior undergraduate honors thesis about self-care as an anti-capitalist act. As part of my thesis, I created and released a zine version of my outlined arguments, written in first person, with stories of my own experiences with depression as an activist. Ever since then, friends and acquaintances have looked to me as some sort of self-care expert, as though I must have it all figured out—after all, I spent a year spending about 50% of my waking hours thinking about self-care, didn’t I? Unfortunately, one of the (ironic) results of releasing this zine was that I now have difficulty being as honest about my mental health as I was before.Read More
As an entrepreneur, I spend a lot of time alone. I also spend a lot of time on social media and on websites that do similar things to mine. On days like today, when I’m feeling a special kind of self-loathing and masochism, I like to troll the internet for everyone and everything that is doing better than me. Comparison is not necessarily the thief of my joy today, just my sanity. So, the downward spiral begins. Because I have so, so much to do, but I actually cannot get it done. So, rather than do what’s best and step away from work, I force myself to sit here.Read More
I was drunk on tequila the night I came out to my mother. It was a week after the election and more than two weeks since she told me she was voting for Donald Trump. I couldn’t fathom how my Hispanic immigrant mother could vote for such a vile man who spewed malicious lie after malicious lie about the Hispanic community, about her. “Because Hilary Clinton supports abortion and gay marriage,” she told me, her closeted daughter, parroting divisive conservative propaganda like scripture. I caved into myself, a coping mechanism whenever she went on her ‘homosexuality is a sin’ rants, wondering what she would say if she knew I was gay.Read More